There will be times when after leaving a contentious or strongly postured joint session, that settlement will appear impossible and you will want to cut it short, and go home.  Such sessions are inevitable.  To be a good negotiator you must overcome such feelings and muster the resilience, poise, and resolve to carry on.  Difficult cases can be settled; accept them as a personal challenge.  To be a good negotiator you sometimes need an extraordinary amount of patience, as well as a strong belief in yourself and in the process.

Patience is more than biding your time.  Patience is listening when you feel like telling; empathizing when you feel like giving up; talking when you feel like screaming; hesitating when you feel like pouncing; and compromising when you feel like asserting.  Patience does not come easy.  You must train yourself in its subtleties, in its measure, in its timing, in its influence, and in its wisdom.  Patience is a virtue possessed by all good negotiators.

The magical part of mediation is the change that takes place in people as the process unfolds.  The give and take in the mediation process is an opportunity for people to vent, listen, argue, and come to terms with their inner hopes and the realities of evidence, reason, and trial.  It is a good and effective process, which takes a requisite amount of time to be effective.  You must have patience, have confidence, and just let it happen.

To be a skillful mediation negotiator you must remain mentally and physically relaxed.   Let go of the tendency to focus on numbers, or be enamored with the validity of your arguments or being “right”.  Take in your feelings about what is going on in the entire negotiation process.  Being relaxed, open, and unburdened allows you the flexibility to alter your negotiation pattern to coincide with what is needed.  It leaves you open to the nuances of plaintiff’s responses and the mediator’s comments.  It allows you to step back and objectively observe the activity in your own camp; to be alert to signals you or defense counsel may be unconsciously giving the mediator that may be undermining your negotiating effectiveness. The fine art of negotiation takes place when you are patient, your mind is relaxed, your observational skills sharp, and your instincts employed.

Robert J. Conover

30 Years in Claims and Litigation Management

Independent Mediation Negotiator  &  Claims Representative