Your job during the joint session of a mediation is to listen, evaluate, appraise, and project.  Of these, listening is the most important job, because it affects all the others.  To be a good mediation negotiator, you must train yourself to be a good listener.

Don’t read, or be otherwise distracted.  You must listen acutely both to evaluate what you are hearing and seeing, and to project the proper image.  Listening shows you are paying attention and are caring, which builds credibility.  Don’t tap your fingers, click your pen, or do anything else that may be interpreted as boredom.  Take notes while others are talking, but don’t keep your nose buried in your notebook; retain your focus on the speaker.

Good listening promotes good talking. You are likely to get a good deal more information out of the participants if you demonstrate a sincere capacity for listening to them.

Listening is not just hearing what is being said, it is also feeling what is being said, understanding what is meant, and recognizing what is not being said.  Sometimes you have to listen with your heart, listen with your eyes, and listen between the lines.  To take everything in, you must keep your mind relaxed, listen acutely, and evaluate as you listen.

While listening, have your instincts employed.  The mediation process can play out much like the drama of a good poker game.  The players are just as crafty. Chance has dealt them a hand to play. Each hand has value and inherent risks. In the course of play each player will evaluate and re-evaluate his hand, scrutinize the words and body language of the other players, calculate the strength of their hands, and decipher the meaning and intent of each bet. Each player will analyze every move, and determine who is bluffing, blustering, or full of bolony. The calculated banter between them will be rich in argument, emotion, and gesture, to convince, deceive, and intimidate. The winner is not necessarily the player with the best hand, but the player most capable of playing the game. To engage successfully in the high-stakes game of tort mediation, it behooves you to have the instincts of a master poker player.

Robert J. Conover

30 Years in Claims and Litigation Management

Independent Mediation Negotiator  &  Claims Representative